Friend, I don't know about you, but a lot of times the weight of sin makes me feel unworthy to approach God's throne of grace. I think it is maybe because I feel I should have done better. I have been serving the Lord for a long time and I feel I should not be struggling as I am in my walk with Him. But I fail dismally! At certain times, I have been so ashamed to "tell" God what I am going through. Yip, as if He doesn't already know about it. I would feel like God would tell me how disappointed He was in me! And I would sometimes imagine Him with this sad, disappointed look on this face!
But how far off the truth this thinking is! The Bible says "while we were sinners, Christ died for us." Before I was even aware I needed His grace, Christ extended this grace to me. There is nothing that I did that qualified me to receive His grace in the first place. He gave and continues to give it freely.
As I sit here, I realize just how much the devil has robbed me of God's abundance, and stolen from me the pleasure of living forgiven. I often wonder how many great things and opportunities I have missed of living fully for Christ. I wonder about the many blessings I missed out on simply because I was too ashamed to approach God's throne of grace, being bound by shackles of feeling unworthy?
Even if I did approach Him at times, it would be from a position of saying ‘Lord, I understand why I am going through this difficulty. I understand why You won't give me what I need.’ How insane! As a mother, there are so many times that my kids have done things I don't approve of, and at times, one could not go back and undo what has been done. I correct, discipline them, and we move on as a family. My kids would think it weird if I carried on correcting and disciplining them for the same thing over and over again if their behavior had changed. And yet here I am, thinking that this is what God does with me.
God looks at the heart and, funny enough, this is the response I always look for at my kids. It is not what they did that matters, but their attitude or behavior after they have done the wrong deed. Yes, I do teach them that there are consequences for their actions, but I watch how my kids never beat themselves up for days after being corrected or disciplined. They never stop talking to me or asking for stuff. And yet, my guilt and shame stop me from talking to God.
The feeling of being condemned so consumes me and leaves me paralyzed at times. I know the Bible tells me that there is no condemnation in Christ, but this is easier to say than to believe. I forget that Jesus thought I was to die for, and knew that I would fall short sometimes, but He loved me anyway (we all fall short of the glory of God). But now I honestly ask myself, why do I feel ashamed to approach the throne of God with boldness? It's because I listen to the wrong voice in my head! When Jesus hung on that rugged cross, all was paid for! My past, present, and future sins - yes, future sins! His blood does not lose its power because of my sins. It flows constantly and for me to continue walking in victory, I have to keep tapping and being connected to this life-giving blood. I have to acknowledge that there is nothing I can do apart from Him. I cannot forgive my own sins. How weird! Coz sometimes this is what I would be saying to God, ‘don't worry about this one, Lord, I will sort it out myself.’ Oh my goodness! What a lie!
So, I am reminded of how privileged we are in being given the opportunity to approach God's throne even in our worst of sins. Remember one of the two men who was crucified along with Christ? How in his utmost state of unworthiness boldly reached out to Jesus and asked for mercy? Jesus did not turn him away. Jesus did not ask him to give a long list of what he had done in the past. While the man acknowledged his shortcomings, but he did not stop there. He pressed beyond his failure and reached out to Jesus. And Jesus saved the day and told the man that he was going to be with Him in Paradise that very day! Jesus' forgiveness is readily available to anyone who would care to ask.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we also press past our failures and look to what Jesus has already done? And here's the cool part, Jesus is still not done with us, as at this very moment, He is seated at the right hand of the Father INTERCEDING for us. Just like He prayed for us before leaving this earth, He is still praying for us. When we approach God's throne, may we always remember that our High Priest is already there for us and we go in His strength and not our own! We can do nothing apart from Him.
I am so thankful that Jesus left me with the Holy Spirit who keeps reminding me to look to Jesus. Yes, I fall short sometimes but the Holy Spirit knows this and does not grow tired of pointing me in the right direction. Oh, how patient He is with me! I can boldly approach God's grace, without shame.
Hebrews 4:16: Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need
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